Mondays and Bitterness Seem to go Together

As I woke up this morning I though to myself “Ugh I don’t want to go to work I just want to sleep in”. I had kind of a rough weekend and I honestly didn’t want to deal with the traffic to work, or anything in general. I was that drained and I felt rather depressed.

But after hitting the snooze 5 times in a row I finally got out of bed and got ready. On my way to work, I experienced that bitterness that was talked about this past Sunday. For those of you who were at Liquid this past Sunday, remember when Craig Groeschel from lifechurch.tv was talking about the driver flying by at a high speed and then you witnessing that hoped that, that person would get pulled over and if they did you would be secretly cheering in your head? Well that happened to me, this guy in a BMW just flies by me and I start thinking “oh your so going to get busted down there or at least I hope you do!” and I started thinking to myself “wait a minute what am I getting upset for?” and I couldn’t answer my own question, better yet now as I think about it maybe it was God asking me that.

And that brought me to realize that I wasn’t only being bitter/angry then. Last week, through the weekend and even when I woke up I was. Last week through the weekend I was mad at a friend thinking “Why did you go back?! Oh your going to see what it’s like going through that again!” and even towards another person I thought “How could you do that to some that close to me?!”. And then even with my own brother I was a bit bitter/angry. I was told by him this past weekend that he hates me, and that he always will. That really had me heated cause I was thinking “What?! How could you hate me?!” and even more as it’s heart breaking to hear that.

But it wasn’t only the question of “what am I getting upset for?” that made me see this stuff. I was listening to a song called “Rest of My Life” by Less Than Jake. And the album it’s on is all about reflecting on your own life, life after college, during college, etc. The song talks about mistakes you’ve made, letting go of friendships, and there being no one else to tell you the truth, asking for forgiveness.

And I could relate to the song in so many ways as I’m sure many of you out there can as well. So below I’ve posted the music video for it and as well as the quote in the beginning of the video as it is 100% accurate. There is a quote at the end which is posted below the player before the lyrics, which is also 100% accurate as well. It’s appropriate for work, no cursing or anything. I hope all of you find it moving, encouraging, etc.  I’m seeing the bitterness/anger I have for certain people but I’m slowly learning to forgive them. It may not happen right away. But it’s going to happen in time. For some reason Mondays and Bitterness always seem to go together.

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult..

- Alden Nowlan

… The day the child forgives himself, he becomes wise.

- Alden Nowlan

I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone in those Jersey nights
And I Saw the board walk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners of this town tonight

Late last night I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye to my best friend
Sometimes there’s no one left to tell you the truth

It’s gonna kill me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I’m screaming out for second tries

Said goodbye to my best friend
Sometimes there’s no one left to tell me the truth

It’s gonna kill me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
I’ve got to live with them the rest of my life

This is the mess I’ve made
These are the words I can’t erase
This is my life support
Shutting down
For the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won’t forgive me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life

It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life [x2]

Rainy Days Aren’t So Bad

I always thought that Rainy Days were the worst, for most people however these kind of days usually start off bad because of how the weather affects your mood and then more stuff just builds on top of it. Though this may be true, usually what you consider is going to be a bad day turns out to be good. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought was “Oh crap it’s raining” mainly because I knew the drive into work would be hell. What happens on Rainy Days in the area work is usually people are slamming on they’re brakes last minute because they either weren’t paying attention or were riding some ones bumper. On top of that usually the traffic gets bad in a certain area which just makes matters worst.

The drive in today wasn’t too bad and I probably could have gotten in a bit earlier had I just taken route 78 to the Springfield exit and worked my way over to Route 22 in Union, so next time I’ll do that instead. But today so far hasn’t been so bad after all. I walked in and everything was at peace and everything is going smooth. So if your encountering a Rainy Day and it’s all muggy out. Just take a step back, a deep breath, grab a cup of coffe or tea and just relax because even if you just walk into an office or a house and things haven’t start off right it’s not the end of the world. And only you can control your mood and you feel, definitely try to make the best of it, even when something goes wrong.

So how have I been over all since my last post? Pretty good, even though classes are over I still feel like I have to do work for them and that I’m going to do poorly if I don’t. I’m sure that feeling will go away soon. Speaking of college, I want to quickly talk about the whole grading thing at my college. For those of you who don’t know I go to a Community College and yes my degree and the professors at my school are of the same quality as those so called “Real Colleges”. The grading policy might be slightly different then most schools as Julie was quite surprised to hear that I’m considered passing the class with a D. For whatever reason there are certain courses in my school where D is considered passing and obviously F is failing. However in other courses such as the Mathematics anything below a C is considered Failing. Again I’m not sure why this was done but it was. Now as for the class I got a D in I’m retaking it when my last semester for the college comes, I’d rather get done all of my advance courses first and then retake a prereq course for an easy A at the end of college.

Oh btw I turned 21 this past Sunday. I still feel the same and I don’t understand why people are asking me if I feel any different. Am I suppose to feel different? If so then how? Anyways I spent Saturday afternoon in Wildwood, NJ with my friends. We got a motel room, spent the night on the boardwalk and then celebrated. It was a great weekend and I couldn’t have asked for more. I plan on going down again in a few weeks if I’m able to, and this time I’ll take my cousin so we can both take some awesome photography down there. Well I’m off for now so I shall leave you with this small comic that stumbleupon threw at me. I think from now on I’m going to close off each post with a comic, enjoy!

College is out and I’m back!

Ah the lovely feeling of summer break and being able to go back to your original daily schedule for work! There is no sarcasm in that I really do mean it.  College this year was definitely ten times better then last year, my studying habits are better and I didn’t go out as much, however my grade in my math class says other wise.  I’m also quite concerned what my grade is in my programing class. I’ll be happy with a C or even a D just so I can move forward to get my other classes done and then come to back it and retake the class for an easy A later on. So this summer if I can I’m going to be retaking my math class, so I can take the last Mod once classes start back up in the fall. If I can’t no worries it wont set me back entirely.

So I’m back and I can now finally focus on the projects I’ve been working on during school. The Mixxing Bowl Theme is finally going to be completed, learn how to properly code in Java on my own time (being force fed isn’t fun), get CompTIA Certified, second job just to make some extra cash, continue play testing my card game, continue fleshing out the video game I presented in class(I would really love to see it get built), get work done on my cars back and front bumper as well as the one side skirt replaced. I’m sure there will be more to come, but having this free time now is allowing me to do what I need to do. Oh and I also plan on getting my own domain name soon and hosting wordpress on it’s own server. When I’m not sure but it will happen. So till then give me some idea’s on the name of the blog/site/domain name!

My laptop is still out for repairs but they are just waiting on one more part and it will be shipped back to me. There’s also more to the story then I’m currently telling you guys, but I’m saving it till I get the system back so I can tell it in full and not in broken bits and pieces. It will be more of like a review on my experience with the support call, the critical issues contact I have and my experience with them, the quality of repair, if any compensations were given, and of course my overall experience since day one (June/May 2006) with my system from Alienware. So sit back, relax, grab some coffee, tea or a drink of your choosing as things are just starting to slowly take off.

It’s Spring Break!

It is now Spring Break for me all this week. This down time is greatly needed for me as it will allow me to start blogging a bit more, will allow me to make some changes to my card game (more on that later…maybe…), and will also allow me to catch up on my readings for my Programming class and Game Design class.

So what have I been up to the past two months?

Mainly College and Work but also continuing to support and promote mixx. I’ve been tweaking the forum layout for “The Mixxing Bowl” and everyone has been patiently waiting for it over there. I’m no longer going to give a time frame as it keeps getting pushed back. So I’ll just leave it at that it’s coming very shortly!

I’ve also been working on my card game for my Game Design class and as I mentioned I have some tweaking to do. Tonight might be the actual first play test outside of class. It’s a turn based attacking game and your goal is to beat your other opponents from collecting some thing. I’ll leave it at that as I don’t want anyone to steal my mechanics, the overall look and feel of the game and more. One day if it ever get’s published and a date is set for release I’ll post an announcement about what the game is about.

I just recently started getting back into twitter so expect some more updates from me there.

Yay for College!

Spring Semester for Raritan Valley started last week. It feels good to be in classes again, some times I wish the break wasn’t so long. I like all of my classes except for one. This class would be math. No surprise there really. But the professor I have has a very strong Russian accent so it’s really hard to understand her. It’s getting easier though and it looks like as long as I keep doing the labs, pay attention in class, and do the homework that I’ll pass. I’ve already made some friends in various classes.  Which is cool cause that really didn’t happen last year.  But overall I’m satisfied with this semester and it looks like it’s going to be a good one!  I already have work do for many of them, but thats expected in college. That’s all for now. I haven’t forgotten about my previous post. I’ll continue on with it some time midweek!