I’m hurting Get over It
I need to say this because I can’t keep it bottled up inside anymore. All of you that are frustrated with me talking about my ex and I, well I’m hurting so get over it. I don’t think anyone, I mean ANYONE understands how much this girl meant to me because of our friendship. It was the strongest thing we had going for us. So go ahead be frustrated with me, ignore me, change topics I don’t care. Cause if I’m thinking about it and I need to talk about it a little bit when I’m around some of you I’m going to. I’m done pretending that I’m happy, forcing a smile I just can’t do it anymore. No one understands how hard it is to wake up in the morning, to take a shower without thinking about the friendship. To be alone in the car and have your mind race. It is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and I hate it.
There’s only four people I can legitimately say that will talk to me, reason things out and legitimately make me feel better and feel stronger. I’ve come a long way, but I can’t just “move on”. I’ve tried and tried, the end result has been me shoving my feelings deep down inside and ultimately it’s tearing me to shreds especially because I know the happiness is only temporary. I would do anything to have this girl back as my friend, despite what she has done. Because I know deep down inside she misses our friendship as much as I miss it. Her and I wrote letters to each other, and you can see how much she valued our friendship and how much I valued it. And none of you can ever fathom or understand that. So get angry with me, ignore me, do whatever you want because this pain is more then just the ending of a relationship, it’s losing my best friend, the person I shared many laughs with when I first met her a year ago, the person who broke down in my arms and cried when we were dancing last summer, the friend that I could go to when the world was caving in and vise versa.
I’m done talking to those who now just stay silent, who change the topic and I will just talk to those who are willing to talk to me, reason things out and getting me back up off the floor and those are the people I appreciate. If you don’t like it then just unfriend me or don’t talk to me. I can’t keep things bottled up inside anymore and pretending I’m ok. I want to be happy, and truthfully I can say I’ve been completely miserable day in and day out since November. I just want to be happy again, which will happen soon. I want my friend back, but that’s going to take a while. And right now for my healing process, I need to talk to those who have helped me up and off of the floor, because the truth is. That’s what’s really helped me and the sad part is I feel that there isn’t anyone I can really talk to anymore except those four.
I can feel your pain… I encourage you to do what is in your heart to do. I encourage you to be yourself uninhibited. I encourage you to seek God with an undying passion. I encourage you to love your neighbor as yourself. You know what is right in your heart to do and I’m sure you will do it!
I feel your pain bro. I went through a difficult situation with a girl in 2005 and haven’t been the same since. Hell, I haven’t had a meaningful relationship since early that year. Granted, me being jaded certainly hasn’t been entirely responsible for that. That said, after five years of not opening up to anyone, I’m beginning to wonder if its me and not them (I know the answer).
As far as advice goes, the only thing I can suggest is that you drop by the MixxingBowl one of these days and reconnect with some of your old friends. The nostalgia might cheer you up a bit.