It’s amazing what a good cup of coffee/joe will do in the morning especially when you just want to go back to sleep. Yesterdays post really put me on a roller coaster ride. I went from being completely ok with it, to not ok, to ok, to a really deep sadness about it for about an hr or so. But it was during that time I remembered some thing’s that my friend Tara said in a message to me earlier that day about my blog post. She said…
“I think I think self-loathing and constantly reminding yourself of your ‘poor qualities’ can be a very slippery slope. There’s a fine line between identifying the qualities you which to change, than Identifying those qualities-and not letting them go. I think it’s pretty common that people tend to over-analyze themselves.“
Now I didn’t cheer up after thinking of this or anything. But it really became even more apparent that while I did identify the qualities I want to change, I was going to have trouble to let go of them. I then also realized that I really need to be careful when I look at myself to see who I am. There have been times in the past, where I looked at myself and then just I let everything get to me and really bring me down low because I was pin pointing every flaw about myself. And when I re-read my post I saw how close I actually came to doing just that.
She also then said this on closing the message.
” Anyway, I hope this helped, and I think maybe a bit more focus on the inner you can’t hurt. “
It was during that sad moment that I really started to look at myself and think of all the good traits and qualities I really have. I then decided that it would be best to write it down and share it but at that moment it wasn’t the right time to do so. I know focusing on the inner you is more then just finding your good traits and qualities. But for me it was where I started and was for the best in the end I think.
Here’s the thing Tara and I really haven’t spoken since Middle School and back then her and I were really good friends. But I read these things she’s saying just based off of what I said in my blog post and it’s just almost as if our friendship just continued on since then. She was just able to out of no where message me and say hey I read your blog and I just have some advice. Maybe I’m just reading into it too much, maybe not. But it’s just nice to know that a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years care’s about what’s going on in my life and what I have to say.
Now the sadness that I felt last night carried into the morning even after I got some rest. I’m not quite sure what happened after I finished getting ready. But the moment I put the sugar in the cup, poured the coffee and milk and then took a sip, it was almost as if that whole feeling went away. It could of just very well been taking that sip, a deep breath and relaxing that did it. But at the same time I wonder if there was more to it. I wonder if maybe the realization of my good traits and qualities just hit me and cheered me up. You see the moment I took that sip. I thought “I need to write about this”. Weird huh?
But it doesn’t stop there. An email between Tom Kang and I today just really took me by storm. I think it was just his sheer honesty, insight, and down to earth words and personality that sent chills through me. Literally I had a hard time reading what he was saying. I think I re-read it at least 10 times till I could actually truly take in what he was saying cause the first few times it was going in and I was saying “huh wait ah I don’t understand this I’m having trouble taking this in!”. I literally felt like I was this kid who had just learned to read and couldn’t make sense of what was being said. But then as I said when I finally was able to it was just like “Wow!”. Now as I said to him in my response back, I’m sure there were some things I probably missed and just don’t realize it. So I’m still going to be reading it over and over again. That ignited feeling when you just realized something and understand it is amazing.
So here I am about 3 hrs after I got the email from Tom, along with getting interrupted, a couple of times along with a small meeting. So what are these traits and good qualities I see in myself with out over-analyzing? I’ve decided to pick what I feel are my top 4 qualities/traits.
Well I’d say to start would be having an open heart and accepting people for who they are and where their at. I won’t deny that there are times I do struggle with this. But I do think it’s one of my greatest and strongest qualities/traits. It amazes me how there are just so many people in this world today that won’t accept you for who you are because you don’t fit their expectations or their idea of how some one should be, act, dress, etc.
The next one would be the ability to listen and to give the best advice I can. I sometimes may feel like I talk too much, but there are a lot more times where I find myself just listening, and not saying a word for a while. And then out of no where I just speak my thoughts, suggestions/advice.
You know what’s ironic about the one bad trait about my computer usage? That it also has it’s one positive out come. I’ve spent so much time on the computer over the years that I’ve learned to troubleshoot issues with friends and families computers. Now I’m still going to change the bad habit of my constant usage. But I’m certainly proud and glad about the one good thing that came out of it which is the ability to help others with technology.
And my final good trait/quality would be striving the extra mile to make sure something is done the right way or to help out a friend. I look at my past and how much I’ve done and the amount of time I’ve put into projects and to help friends and I see that I go that extra mile to make a difference. Now there are a lot of times where I do put my foot down because this some times can be taken advantage of. But for the most part I feel that the extra mile made to make a difference in such the smallest thing is priceless. It’s the smallest differences that can definitely make some ones day brighter.
Hopefully that wasn’t over analyzed or anything. Some of you may disagree with what I see are my good qualities/traits, but that’s fine cause everyone is entitled to their opinion and feelings. I know that this entry has nothing to do with coffee but I felt that the title fit because my realization and the over coming of that sadness occurred when I took a sip of that cup of coffee. Maybe I’m looking into it too much, maybe not. But I’m sure glad I over came that horrible feeling last night.
This will be my last entry for a couple of days. I really need a break from all of this writing and just jotting down my thoughts. I’m going to be in Connecticut for the weekend and I’ll pick back up either on Tuesday or Wednesday for my entries and will return to my usual schedule of not writing everyday. See Ya guys next week!
