For a while there were many things about myself that I didn’t like. But it became more apparent today while I was driving in to work. Let me explain.
Last Saturday I had stayed over a friends house and I brought my hair gel cause I figured we would be going swimming and then I would just fix up my hair again. Well this turned out not to happen and I ended up not using it. When I left I accidentally left it at their house and I tried getting it back that night but they never responded to my text messages or phone calls. Since then I’ve been trying to get it back and they didn’t even call me back after asking them to. It’s been two days since and I haven’t heard from them until today. Who knew trying to get in touch with some one just to get hair gel back would be so difficult!
So I am getting ready and I called my friend and left them a very unpleasant voice mail as I was kind of annoyed/pissed off that here I am trying to get in contact with them. At this point it didn’t even have anything to do with the hair gel, I wanted to know what was going on that warranted them not contacting me for two days straight. I then sent them a following text message asking them to check their voice mail immediately as I figured that would grab their attention.
Long story short text messages were exchanged once I got to work, I told them to actually just ignore the voice mail cause I dropped a few words too many times and just explained what I wanted. I was told that there was no signal and that their battery died that night. We’ve since patched things up and got everything sorted out.
But it was in my car that I realize I’ve got a lot of bad habits and traits that I really don’t like. It kind of just became really clear in my head when looking at the other cars. I realized that I don’t get mad at the driver, for some reason I get mad at the car it’s self for when a driver does something stupid. Almost as if I expect the car to know not to do that and that it’s the cars fault. It’s weird I know but this is what just made everything click in my head. One of the bad traits I have could absolutely ruin friendships and that would be my anger. That was actually the first thing that popped into my head on my way in and the others just followed. I’m not quite sure why but I get really upset over the smallest things and I’m not quite sure why. Could the trust issues I have be playing a part? I mean really I wasn’t even upset about getting back my hair gel, it was the fact that I didn’t get a call back or anything for two days and yet I got so frustrated where I left a voice mail when I let my anger get the best of me.
But it’s not just the anger that I have trouble with. I also tend to just eat a lot especially at dinner. I’ll help myself to seconds, when I really shouldn’t cause I don’t need to even though my body is making me think I’m still hungry. Let’s do a comparison picture of me back in high school to me now.
This is me back in high school after playing DDR. I don’t know what I was thinking by taking a picture of myself all sweaty and posting it on my old blog at xanga. For some reason I felt the need to show off how tiring and sweaty you can get from playing DDR. I look at this picture now and it’s honestly quite amusing, but at the same time I think “Wow I used to be that thin?” just based off of my facial structure.
This is me after the ADEMA Concert last August and I’d say I haven’t changed much since then but maybe put on some more weight. You can completely see the difference in my face and my shoulders I suppose. But still I don’t like it at all one bit. Oh and the guy next to me is Kris Kohls of ADEMA. Him and I talk from time to time and stay in contact, but what is really cool is the fact that he’s in this mainstream rock band and he’s a Christian. But what’s even cooler than that is he’s a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu artist and has a world title if I’m not mistaken?! I could be wrong. But never the less how awesome is that a Brazilain Jiu Jitsu Martial artist who can kick your butt, is also a Christian and in a mainstream rock band?!
I know some of you are thinking “why are you so concerned you look fine!” to me I’m not. It’s one of those self conscious things and I can’t help it. One of my friends told me if your going to work out and lose weight do it for yourself, but if your going to do it just so girls can be all “Oh look at him!” you might as well not even bother. Those aren’t the exact words but that basically sums it up. I thought about it for a bit and decided I wasn’t going to. But as I laid in bed on Monday night with my laptop resting against me I really felt kind of disgusted with myself cause I could see how much weight I really put on. It was pretty much to the point where I got up, put my shirt back on and climbed into bed. I felt so much better about myself after doing that cause I couldn’t see what weight I had put on. So I’m making it a goal to change that aspect of me as well cause it really does bother me.
Another one would be the amount of time I spend on my laptop. If you were to stay logged in on AIM and Facebook for a Month straight I’m sure you’d see that I’d be signed on everyday for 24 hrs straight. Now of course I’m not using AIM, Facebook or the web for 24 hrs straight, but it certainly does tell you how much time I spend online. My bad computer habits is what hurts me the most in school so this needs to change right away if I want to stick with my schedule I came up with. But it not only has to do with school but also with the continue temptations of going to those sites that can not only harm your computer but yourself as well. When I say harm yourself, I mean in the sense of mentally and what not. Sure everyone has bad temptations but out of everyone I know, excluding some who are right up there with me, it can be really bad some times.
Another one would be is buying things I don’t need. Video Games would be a perfect example. When I got my first job at Walgreens the only thing I ever bought was food and Video Games. Had I not blown away my money on all those games and food I probably would be doing better financially at this point in time. Currently I’m doing really well with not buying the latest game. In fact the last game I bought was Mario Kart Wii which came out back in April or May I believe. This Holiday season though is going to be tough cause the whole buying gifts thing comes into full swing.
There’s much more then this and so for now I am going to list my top priority changes I want to make with in the next few months and with in a year. I guess we could include this in my Chapter 2?! Not quite sure honestly.
Things to Change in Myself
Anger Issues
Trust Issues
Losing Weight
Watching how much and what I eat
Time Spent on Laptop
Resisting Temptations
Studying More
Controlling how much I spend
Saving Money
