Mondays and Bitterness Seem to go Together

As I woke up this morning I though to myself “Ugh I don’t want to go to work I just want to sleep in”. I had kind of a rough weekend and I honestly didn’t want to deal with the traffic to work, or anything in general. I was that drained and I felt rather depressed.

But after hitting the snooze 5 times in a row I finally got out of bed and got ready. On my way to work, I experienced that bitterness that was talked about this past Sunday. For those of you who were at Liquid this past Sunday, remember when Craig Groeschel from lifechurch.tv was talking about the driver flying by at a high speed and then you witnessing that hoped that, that person would get pulled over and if they did you would be secretly cheering in your head? Well that happened to me, this guy in a BMW just flies by me and I start thinking “oh your so going to get busted down there or at least I hope you do!” and I started thinking to myself “wait a minute what am I getting upset for?” and I couldn’t answer my own question, better yet now as I think about it maybe it was God asking me that.

And that brought me to realize that I wasn’t only being bitter/angry then. Last week, through the weekend and even when I woke up I was. Last week through the weekend I was mad at a friend thinking “Why did you go back?! Oh your going to see what it’s like going through that again!” and even towards another person I thought “How could you do that to some that close to me?!”. And then even with my own brother I was a bit bitter/angry. I was told by him this past weekend that he hates me, and that he always will. That really had me heated cause I was thinking “What?! How could you hate me?!” and even more as it’s heart breaking to hear that.

But it wasn’t only the question of “what am I getting upset for?” that made me see this stuff. I was listening to a song called “Rest of My Life” by Less Than Jake. And the album it’s on is all about reflecting on your own life, life after college, during college, etc. The song talks about mistakes you’ve made, letting go of friendships, and there being no one else to tell you the truth, asking for forgiveness.

And I could relate to the song in so many ways as I’m sure many of you out there can as well. So below I’ve posted the music video for it and as well as the quote in the beginning of the video as it is 100% accurate. There is a quote at the end which is posted below the player before the lyrics, which is also 100% accurate as well. It’s appropriate for work, no cursing or anything. I hope all of you find it moving, encouraging, etc.  I’m seeing the bitterness/anger I have for certain people but I’m slowly learning to forgive them. It may not happen right away. But it’s going to happen in time. For some reason Mondays and Bitterness always seem to go together.

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult..

- Alden Nowlan

… The day the child forgives himself, he becomes wise.

- Alden Nowlan

I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone in those Jersey nights
And I Saw the board walk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners of this town tonight

Late last night I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye to my best friend
Sometimes there’s no one left to tell you the truth

It’s gonna kill me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I’m screaming out for second tries

Said goodbye to my best friend
Sometimes there’s no one left to tell me the truth

It’s gonna kill me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
I’ve got to live with them the rest of my life

This is the mess I’ve made
These are the words I can’t erase
This is my life support
Shutting down
For the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won’t forgive me the rest of my life
Let me apologize while I’m still alive
I know it’s time to face
All of my past mistakes
It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life

It’s gonna kill me for the rest of my life [x2]

GNV FLA, Family and Friends Woah!

Less Than Jake’s new album GNV FLA (Gainesville Florida) is in stores now as of yesterday. I picked up a copy and it’s ten times better then the leaked version. It sounds complete and fine tuned, those who are LTJ fans should definitely pick this album up.

The lyrics on this album have a lot of insight and meaning behind them. For example the beginning line for the track “Settling Son” is

“Son, take it from it’s in the little victory’s that keep you from shaking hands with defeat“

This is so true as it’s when we succeed in something it makes us want to keep moving forward and keeps you away from defeat, even with the little things. So for those that are reading this just remember that it’s in the little victory’s that keep you from defeat. I’m not saying were perfect and that we’ll never fall cause life’s a journey no doubt, and of course we will hit road blocks, fall and feel like we failed. The thing is don’t give up! Pick yourself backup and get back out there and keep pushing forward no matter how many times you fall. My point though is as long you keep going after falling and you finally succeed in something small your that much closer in no longer being defeated and discouraged whether it be in any kind of addiction, to a project!

It really amazes me how just one line from a song can have so much meaning and to think that LTJ has been together for 16 years. It’s really awesome that they can still be relevant with their music, even though the times have changed. The album is fast paced, lots of horns, and a return to form so to speak on previous albums. Stay tuned for a full review when I have time to just collect my thoughts, and write it in my own timing. But I will say that I give this album a 10/10 rating.

This past weekend was a stressful one. As many of you know I went down to Marlyand to visit my older and my dad tagged along. The whole weekend he was very distant, quiet, and more. If my brother, his girlfriend and I stopped walking to look at something he stood far away from us, the only time he was close when we were making decisions on where to go. The best part about that? He didn’t help at all! He kept saying “Doesn’t matter I follow” and that wasn’t the worst of it.

For breakfast/brunch he ordered a Bloody Mary for a drink. Now from what I remember he never drank, and I wasn’t the only one to find this odd. When we made our way back to my brothers place after walking around for a bit, we decided to talk about dinner and where were going to eat and what to do there. My dad simply just stated he wanted to go to a hotel and take a nap.  So he gets a hotel room, I stay with my brother and then we pick him up for dinner 4 – 5 hrs later.

We ask how is nap was or how he slept and he tells us that he actually went to the bar and drank vodka and then took a short nap. Again we found this even more odd and got concerned cause this is not like him at all. After dinner we decide to go play mini golf and he doesn’t want to take part in it and just wants to go to the hotel. So again we drop him off and off we go to play mini golf and then bowling afterwards.  This whole weekend he spent almost no time with us at all. The times he did was for brunch, dinner and then breakfast  Sunday morning. There’s more to it then this but still it gives an idea how the weekend was.

Remember that one friend I told you about who was dating that jerk, and she kept switching her mind about going back with him or not? Well because her and her most recent bf broke up she’s now talking to him again. She’s telling me and everyone that she’s getting sick of him calling all the time so she’s now talking to him again and is trying to prove to him things won’t work. However myself, my friend Sandy and some other people know that this is not a good thing and that he will try to get her back even though she says she wont back to him. I beg to differ, I can already see it in a few weeks or even a month or two that they will be back together and she’ll be justifying it. So I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to have to tell her that it’s either our friendship or him. I can already see that she’s starting to feel depressed and stressed again and unfortunately it seems that tough love is the only option now as I’ve tried being kind and all and it hasn’t done anything.

So with that said pray for me, ask God to keep me strong as it sucks that I have to do something like this. But it’s my last resort and I don’t see any other way.

Over 8 Million Firefox Downloads!

How crazy is that?! Over 8 Millon Downloads of Firefox 3 with in a 24 HR period! It’s amazing how much things have changed since the release of Firefox 1 and Firefox 2. When Firefox 2 originally released only 1.5 million people downloaded with in a 24 HR Period, now here we are at Firefox 3 and over 8 million people downloaded this piece of software! I know, I know I’m repeating myself but it’s just truely astonishing and it makes me wonder how about how amazing that would be if we could reach that many people in the world through whether it be Liquid Church, Liquid Melborne, Liquid Internet Campus (Coming 2009), or even through partnered churches. Wouldn’t that just be simply insane or better yet an amazing thing? Now of course I’m not talking about with in a 24 HR period but still just the thought of it just overflows in me and sends chills through out me.

Now that download day is over and the chance to help set a World Record is now over, it does not mean you no longer can download Firefox 3. At the moment there are over 11 million downloads as I write this! If you haven’t upgraded to Firefox 3 yet or have never tried Firefox in the first place, definitely give it a try. It’s 10x faster then Internet Explorer, More Secure, Tons and Tons of Add Ons, and more! So again thank you to everyone who participated in this event and brought this great milestone!

This Sunday I unfortunately won’t be able to make it to Liquid. I will be down in Maryland visiting my older brother. It was originally suppose to be just the two of  us hanging out. But my dad called me up out of no where last week and pretty much invited himself. As much as this bothered me and I really wanted to say no because I haven’t spoken to him in months, and has made no effort to see my brothers and I, I couldn’t. I felt trapped so to speak, he is my father and it was just one of those things where I didn’t want to say no or yes. I mean here I am, thinking “What the?! Wait no! You call me up asking if you can come and tell me your going to come after you neglected our family?! How dare you do that!” and of course I didn’t say this.

But I certainly felt how Pastor Tim felt when he talked about how he felt watching that documentry about how those people in another country lived, how those girls were treated. I really wanted yell and maybe I should have, but I tried to keep my cool as best as I could so he wouldn’t notice. So hopefully this weekend will go well and I have a feeling it will. So I leave tomorrow after work, I first have an appointement with an Allergist so I can get medicine my Allergies which means I will be going into work late. Hopefully the latest I’ll go in is at 11am as my appointment is at 9:30.

Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts about anything I’ve mentioned in today’s post!

Today is Download Day!

Yep that’s right today is the official day that Firefox 3 is finally released. But there’s more to it then just downloading Firefox 3. For those of you that don’t know Mozilla is shooting for the world record in the most software downloads with 24 hrs! How can you participate you ask? Head on over to http://spreadfirefox.com/ and click pledge now. Doing so will register you as another person who promises to download Firefox 3 on Download Day during a specific time frame so it will count towards the world record.

::UPDATE::
Firefox 3 is now out!

So on a side note, I’d like to mention that I’m really digging the One Prayer Series. If you missed the message this past Sunday head on over to http://liquidchurch.com and check it out. After hearing that message it definitely showed me how my old church and even other church’s I’ve been to are so called competing. In fact last year when I met with the pastor from one of those church’s and I explained to them I was going to Liquid Church he said “I don’t think Liquid has the money to succeed or to reach people like we do”. I looked at him like he was crazy, what does money have to do with anything? It’s not about money in any way shape or form and it’s not even about having a competition of how many people you reach! That was back in May 2007 and I look at it and he couldn’t have been more wrong with what he was saying. But hey were human and it’s unfortunate that instead of everyone being united were divided as stated this past Sunday. I surely hope this changes, I really do. Last week I sent out an email to Aussie Dave about the Internet Campus. I would love to get involved in it. However I haven’t heard anything back as of yet. If I don’t hear anything back in the next few days, can anyone from the Liquid Offices want to reach out to him for me? It would be much appreciated!

Last week Less Than Jake’s new album “GNV FLA” leaked on to the internet. The album is fantastic and I’m picking up my copy when it comes out next Tuesday! It definitely goes back to their older sound some what, but it sure will please both the old fans and the new! I won’t spoil anything by describing each track. If any of you want to hear it, you can pick up a copy next week or try to find it online.

On that note, like it was said this past Sunday, let us be One.

P.S. I know that there are probably more other people from the Liquid Office that reads this blog. So feel free to speak up and comment! I’m a strong believer in an open community, much like the community at Liquid! Oh and I still need a name for my blog so I can get a domain name, so any Ideas let me know!

Gaming Online and a Broken World

I’ve got somewhat a hand full of topics today. So let’s get started shall we?

Issues with Gaming Online

It’s pretty bad when Adam Sessler from G4 has to come out and say something about the foul mouths on XBOX Live. In his recent Soap Boax episode he covers the topic about 10 year olds and even adults making racial comments and more. I have to agree with what he is saying in the video. I subscribed to XBOX Live to be apart of a community and to an enjoy a game with fellow gamers, not to hear some one blurt out a racial comment. Sure you can block the player and mute them. But it still doesn’t solve the problem. I’m not sure what else to say here. I’ll let Adam’s video do the rest of the talking. Please note that he does curse towards the end of the video, but it is bleeped out.

http://www.g4tv.com/thepile/videos/26397/Sesslers_Soapbox_Attention_Bigots.html

Z100 says it’s ok to cheat?!

The other day I was listening to Z100 in the morning. I happen to like their morning show, though some times it can get boring. Every now and then I’ll listen to Star 99.1 but a lot of the topics they cover tend to get drawn out for to long. On top of that I can’t stand the whole “Bible or Not” thing. As soon as I hear that really dumb long intro, I go right back to Z100 or put something on in my CD Player. Anyways as I was saying I was listening to Z100 the other day and they were talking about having an affair. But it wasn’t in the sense of discouraging it or anything, it was more of in the sense of encouraging it. They were talking about a book that says how affairs can improve your marriage and they kept saying that they are in no way promoting it. I however thought otherwise. I mean they were discussing how it improves your marriage by hiding it, shows what your missing out on in your marriage, etc. So how is this not promoting it? I mean it’s unethical and just flat out wrong. If your marriage isn’t working then get into marriage counseling and find out what’s wrong. Don’t take the easy way out. It’s a shame how this world makes it seem like it’s ok to do certain things. I love the morning show and all, and having listened to their other discussions before the hosts definitely have a good head on their shoulders. They know whats right from wrong, but I feel that some how they unknowingly were promoting it and just didn’t think so or realize it.

I mean here I am a 21 year old college kid, that is looking for a relationship that is something special like that and can see that something like an affair is not ok! How come a 21 year old college kid can realize this but society cannot? For example some one called into their station and flat out said on the air that they are having an affair, like they were proud about it and didn’t care about how their spouse felt! What if that person was listening, and recognized their voice? I can only imagine they would have been crushed!

In fact I can relate to being crushed like that. My Sophomore year of High School I was in a relationship I should not have been in. Grant it things did not go as far as they could have, but still when I say I should not have been in this relationship I mean it. Before that relationship though, I so to speak cheated on the girl I was dating at the time with the girl  I’m about to talk about. Let’s say the girl’s name is Ashley just to protect names and all. I cheated on my girlfriend at the time with Ashley.  Here’s what happened after we were together for 7 months. Long story short on mine and Ashley’s 7 month anniversary she gave me a gift for the occasion but then a minute later, broke up with me. You think that’s bad, it only got worst. We got back together and then we continued to be on and off for 3 days. That following weekend though, I found out she had cheated on me as I had ran into her at the mall and she flat out told me she was seeing some one else after asking her at least 4 or 5 times why she was running towards the escalator holding some other guys hand. I was crushed and was for a long time. Here’s the thing though, you know that saying what comes around and goes around? Yeah it happened to me, Ashley (again not her real name) had cheated on me.

Since that day with every relationship I’ve been in I’ve never done such a thing. After feeling that pain, I understood how hurtful and damaging it can be. Maybe this is the reason why I understand all of this, maybe it’s not. But I think everyone can see the point I’m making. So some one please explain to me why society is saying it’s ok?

The week has finally come to an end

The week has finally come to an end and how do I feel? Relieved it’s been a bumpy ride this whole week dealing with no air conditioning at home, problems with certain things at work (a nightmare), allergies, dermatologist, giving a friend some tough love and oh so much more. I’m just ready unwind! I’m taking my guitar tomorrow to Tommy Hayes for free set up day. Hopefully he can fix every problem I’ve been having with my guitar. So overall I’m kind of just wiped out, though when am I not? Here’s a bit of a tip for those of you who see me and ask me how I am. Make sure I really am being honest. There have been a few time’s where I nod my head and say that I’m doing ok or am just fine. Well thats all for today! For those of you at or attend Liquid Church (Jeff, Mike and anyone else) maybe I’ll see you guys this Sunday! Take Care!

P.S. I’m still trying to figure out out a name for my blog. Any ideas are welcomed! If I choose yours I’ll give you credit and I’ll be registering the domain name. On top of that this blog might go from just a blog from me, to maybe 2 other people as well. We’ll see what happens! Oh and I haven’t been posting comics so here’s an image from my deviantart account. It’s an old one, but I love how it came out!

Liquid Baptisms and more!

I’ve been sitting here for the past hour determining on how I want to write this entry. I already knew what it’s going to be about. But having allergies and all, I have not being feeling well so it’s taking a toll on me a bit. So please bare with me if I’m starting to go off on a random rant.

This past weekend started out what looked like to be miserable as it rained at the company picnic for a good 20 minutes to a half hour, maybe even more and then I had to deal with my allergy attacks later that night. However I made the best I could out of that Saturday. However I didn’t know what I was in for the following day at my cousins and my friends baptism, I was always supporting my cousin and my friend getting baptised and I just thought it would be another typical one. Ya know people go up, say something and then they get dunked. I couldn’t have been more wrong then that.

I got there with the family, my uncle had saved us some seats. With in about 10 minutes we were under way and the worship team began playing. After worship the baptisms began and the first person stepped up. They told their story, well actually they had their story or testimony I should say video taped and showed on the screens. At first I felt like this was the typical baptism as one by one most of the testimony’s were rather similar. However that slowly changed as more people went and were talking about drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. It was rathering touching and I couldn’t even explain these to those of you who are reading this. I hope they put them online just so you guys can see what I’m talking about, including my cousins. She even made a small shout out to me as she liked to call it in her testimony. Like I said I can’t even explain or describe these testimony’s during this service.

However what really swept me off my feet later on was the testimony’s from the last service as that was when my friends was. Again these testimony’s as well were showing them as who they were and showing that they too aren’t perfect! I would go into more detail but I’d pretty much be repeating what I said above with slight differences. Again though little did I know how much on an impact these really had on me.

Afterword’s I met this one guitarist who plays in a professional band but also plays for the worship team. I wasn’t expecting much as well here. We talked about guitars, the problems I’ve had with the person I bought my guitar from, my problems with the guitar, and my problems with Sam Ash. Out of no where he kindly offered to fix the problem I am having with the screw pulling out of my guitar as it requires quite a few things to repair it. He then told me about the free Set Ups Sam Ash is doing and told me that some one I know at Liquid is doing the free set ups at Sam Ash this weekend. It wasn’t till that moment that something just sparked and ignited inside me. I mean just all of this joy and happiness just overflowed into me. But it still didn’t stop there.

Shortly after I was talking to the pastor of our church and which was the first time I think I ever had a full conversation with him. It amazed me how he took the time to ask how I was and what was going which was something I never experienced at my old church. But the best part about it that really amazed me was how he was interested in what I had to say and just didn’t go “Oh ok well glad to hear that” and then just moved on. Now the conversation wasn’t anything special it was mainly about my major, how hectic things have been but still I’ve never actually had that kind of kindness.

It was then when I decided that I want to get back into serving, get back into going to Liquid Church, and so much more. Even today I still feel it and I hope this doesn’t go away. I know I have many faults and that I’m not perfect but I’m not going to let them hold me back. It’s ironic ya know I mean I kept inviting my cousin to Liquid and now here she is for the past few months has been inviting me back to the very place I originally invited her to. I would love to get baptised again but at this moment I know it’s not time for me to do so. When I got baptised the last time at my old church, I didn’t do it because I wanted to. I did it because one of my other friends was. I felt threatened by them and knew that when they did, they would get all the attention, praise, etc. I thought “I can’t let her have all the attention, I’m going to as well so I get it as well” which was such a selfish thing to do. I wanted it all to be about me and it’s taken me about 3 years to realize that and 6 years to realize that everything I’ve done at that church wasn’t just to help them out and get them some many benefits with a website and what not. But I also did it cause I wanted the attention, the whole “Oh look at him and how much he has done! He’s such as good person!” or “He’s such a Godly person” which both were not true in any way shape or form. There’s so much more to that and only a portion of my testimony, but my whole point of writing it is to show and say to everyone I messed up badly, and I didn’t do this for God I did all of this for my own selfish gain. This may change how people see me but that doesn’t bother me one bit cause it’s a part of my life story and I felt for the past few days that I should just come clean with those things.